Why?

WHY?

The struggle of so many young fathers I work with is that they are confused about being a dad. They are trying to find fatherhood not knowing where to go, to find it! Most of the young dads I work with are without a father figure in their lives. It’s like fathering by brail; they have never seen it in action before!

Could you even fathom playing in the NHL, but never seeing hockey in your life? Imagine with me for a moment, you’re in the tunnel ready to go on the ice, looking down at your skates and saying what the heck are these things on my feet. You can hear the 40,000 plus fans cheering just before you enter on the ice! As you step on the ice you turn into “bambie” in front of them! It’s a colossal fail. Get the picture? Most of these young dads are going to fail if we don’t take time to help them in their struggle.

Over the years I have talked to many dads on my son’s hockey teams. The season starts with the familiar! Gathering around the cold rink leaning back on the wall staring dismally at the ice surface with our beverages of choice in hand. Mine happens to be coffee, a “good Canadian tradition” don’t you think? The background noise consists of my coffee being slurped and the pucks banging against the boards as the dads wait in silence for someone to talk. It’s hard to be the first one, because of the macho side in all of us!

When someone is brave enough to talk, breaking the silence. Our conversations quickly turn to the weather, our jobs, some of the toys we have accumulated over the years (I’m lacking in that area) but its good to dream lol. And the big conversation piece is always our kids and some of the funny and not so funny stories of being a dad, wearing each story like a badge of honor.

When it’s my turn to share about what I do, every thing turns really quite especially my experience of being a single dad. It is usually of much interest to everyone listening, I get full attention when I reach this point in my story. To my amazement the dad’s stop looking at their kids playing hockey and look right at me. For all the hockey parents out there you know this is huge, to look away from the ice because watching our kids is usually the main attraction! We never want to miss the next goal or assist our kids are going to get. Generally I don’t get much feedback at the point of sharing just the bended ear and after I’m done talking the conversation usually awkwardly turns back to work, the NHL and other day-to-day things. But to my amazement throughout the year, one by one the dads come up to me, privately unleashing a flurry of the struggles they are facing as a dad or husband. Single or not, they always end with this one question at the end of their confessions “is there any kind of program out there for me as a 35,40,45 year old dad”?

This got me thinking of the “WHY”, why are dads feeling like they are missing something regardless of their age? Why do they want to know where they can find resources and support in being a dad? I want to ask the question why do we need to support young dads?

For three years now I have been asking this question WHY, why should Stepping Up support these young dads? I feel God has given me so many answers to this question, but without spoon-feeding you my thoughts, I’m curious to know and hear your whys? It’s important we find the answer to this. WHY do we need to answer this question within ourselves? It’s an important question to ask before we can truly and holistically support young fathers as a community of believers.

I’m hoping as you journey with Stepping Up and it’s pursuit to answer the WHY, we together can change the tide of fatherlessness. I would love it if you would respond to this blog and give me some of your WHY’s. Why is it worth supporting young dads?

I would love to post some of your responses in my next blog…..so feel free to answer this all important “Why?”

Thanks,

And let’s keep hope alive for all dads, because hope comes from HIM above the true author of hope!

Dave

Psalms 68:5 (NLT)

“Father to the fatherless, defender of widows-this is God, whose dwelling is holy”.

Brad & Cherie's story of Hope.

Cherie & Brad's Story from Jeffrey Golby on Vimeo.

The Deflation of a Proud Father

The deflation of a proud father!

As I sit in the waiting room with my girlfriend at the ultra sound office. Waiting for the news on the health of our new little baby.  The Proud feeling I feel, quickly, becomes a feeling of second best, one of feeling little left out.  Not a typical feeling an expectant father should feel when going to see your baby.

When the ultrasound tech calls my girlfriends name, for her turn to get scanned, I stand up with her as any proud father would, ready to see a glimpse of our little baby for the first time, excited to get a glimpse of the little precious him or her.

From a Dad:

In an instant the proud feeling that I as a father had, turns into frustration and anger! I’ll tell you why.

In aloud an abrupt tone and with a rude facial expression I might add, the ultra sound technician say’s this; "dad you can stay seated, you come in near the end, this is just for mom".

My first thought was "WHAT" you gotta be @#$%^& joking! Talking to my self as I sit back down!

I’m not going to lie to you as I write this but I’m feeling really frustrated! Combined with a heavy heart!  The biggest pain I feel is the feeling of being left out.

Now, hear me out! This complaint does not come out of selfish gain or not recognizing the importance of mom. But it takes two to create this little being, so I figure it takes two to view the ultra sound and be part of the moment, at the same time. I think this is a valid point? And it should be heard.

I mean this is our baby is it not? We are mom and dad it took the two of us to create this thing didn’t it? Then I would think we both should go in at the same time, to enjoy the moment together?

I feel the medical system and other factors in our society has a hard time recognizing fathers and their needs at times! The need to be compassionate towards fathers throughout the pregnancy process is an imperative one, I think! It seemed to fail dad’s big time in this situation.

I think the willingness of young fathers wanting to be involved in their child's pregnancy is more common than society thinks.  We should re-think things a little.  Dads are important and we have an important role to play in our children’s lives I wish that society could recognize this.  I feel being treated equal is not two much to ask!

Thanks for listening to my story!

Daddy